The legacy must stop!!

We all start with a mental attitude when beginning a weight loss journey - I can do this. It runs smoothly over the next few days, weeks, months, for some of us, even years. This is me at my thinnest..

Well, this time around for me - the attitude hasn't shown itself yet. I know I want to - no, NEED to change my ways. Get healthier. Slim. Active. Because if I don't, I will never be able to be happy with myself, and will never be able to feel comfortable in my own skin. So... Why is it so hard? Why do I KNOW that something has to change, but yet.. I don't change it? Why do I continue to put off eating healthier, going to the gym, losing weight, and in the long run, being happy? I don't understand & I don't know how to get & stay motivated, even though I'm depressed & disappointed in myself almost 24/7. Shouldn't that be motivation enough? I guess I feel like no matter what I do, I'm trapped. I'm stuck in this body that will continuously get bigger, not smaller, my entire life. I feel as if anything I do won't help, and to spare the pain & disappointment of nothing happening, I just don't start in the first place. I don't want to give up on this journey, but how can I when I haven't even began?? I have been here before, and have tried other methods to lose weight. I have attempted to eat better, that is short lived, and I have done the HCG craze which worked short term, but sadly the weight came back. I am getting older and my health should be reason enough. Diabetes has run rampant on my Mother's side of the family, and if I don't do something NOW, I will most likely continue the legacy. I have got to make a change, for myself and for my children and my grandchildren. My Mom passed way to soon, and I do not want to do this to my children. I could never forgive myself. And now back at my heaviest.....

Just a depressed rant, I suppose... If anyone has any advice, I'd gladly take it

My Little Boy is Married.... (April 20, 2013)

I can't believe this day has come and gone... My incredible son has gotten married to the girl of his dreams... Brianne Rowley Killpack has joined our family and I could not be happier. She makes Denver laugh and giggle more than ever. They take good care of each other and make a really good team. I love them both so much and know they will make it, despite all those newlywed struggles and adventures. Like being poor, no decent jobs, living in a one room studio apartment. They will make it, we have all been there. Patience is the most important thing to remember. They are happy and that is the most important. I am so proud of both of you, and could not happier for you

. Keep working together and I promise life will be wonderful and you will find more joy than you ever thought possible. I love you... Mom

What direction am I heading??

I am in a point in my life where I feel like I am moving in a whole new direction, and that is not neccesarily a good thing. I am approaching 50 at an alarming rate and not sure how I feel about it. I am not in the greatest shape, being overweight and knees that ache from arthritis. Otherwise I feel pretty good. In general my health is ok, just starting to feel older. In my head I am still feeling young. I have the desire to do many things, and that includes physical things, but my body is not so willing. It sucks getting older, and starting to slow down. I think I need to set some realistic goals and figure out how to make by body more in tune with my mind. I know I need to start walking and moving more. This would be a good start. I want to lift weights at the gym, but I don't want to do it alone. Maybe a good goal would be to find someone to go with me. I really need to begin watching what I eat, and taking my supplements, like my Husband has so lovingly bought for me. I know they will help my body and help me feel better. So there is a big slap to the forehead, Doh!! Maybe by writing it down on this blog, I might actually have to make some effort and be accountable for it. So if anyone happens to read this, check to see how I am doing... I know lots of people are in the same boat as me, and yet we all seem to be in denial about it. Why can't we all work together and support each other. I know that all sounds good in theory, but it really is a personal thing. It will never work unless you personally are on board and really want it. Or it becomes a life threatening thing and you need to lose weight or really suffer. I think it is time to really take it seriously... I will let you know in awhile how it is going. I am going to set a goal to try and lose 10pds by the end of November. So wish me luck....

Big changes this year......

I am feeling very overwhelmed with life right now, we have had so many changes this year. I feel like I can barely keep up.

My sweet Denver got married to a lovely girl, Brianne Rowley. It was lots of work, but totally worth it. I never realized how happy it makes you to see your children be worthy to be married in the Temple and be sealed to their sweet heart forever. I am so proud of them. It is not going to be an easy road, they will have challenges and trials, but I know they can make it through anything together.

Jalyssa is growing up, she has graduated from college with her associates degree and a photography certificate. It was a lot of hard work for her, but I am so proud of her for accomplishing this incredible task. She is still living with roomates and she seems to be the rock who holds the entire group together. She is the mentor, the mom, and the counselor. She takes on the responsibilities for the bills being paid and all the important decisions. She would love to have a more active dating life, and can't wait for the right boy to come along. I keep reassuring her that the Lord is preparing the right one, and she just needs to be patient. She is doing what she is supposed to, following the commandments, and doing everything to make herself worthy, she just needs to be patient.

My baby Mariah is also growing up way to fast... She has graduated High School, and is now attending Snow College. She is doing incredible. Making big decisions, and learning to live in the real world. She is making me so proud. I also have had changes, I am no longer working at the school (Brockbank). It was a hard decision, and one I did not take lightly. Kelly and I decided that I should find full time work so we could pay down some bills, and save for our future. Luckily, I have found work with St. Marks Heart Center. I work with some incredible people who have been so kind and have been training me well. I really like working with Senior citizens, it is so similiar to working with the youth. But I am happy and am really learning a lot.

I am still serving in YW's and know that for now it is where I need to be. Some days I get really burned out, and have challenges with people, but working with the girls is always special and never boring!! Kelly is still with Rio Tinto, and loves it. He works with the best boss,and co workers. He enjoys it so much. We are grateful for jobs we enjoy and that makes life so much easier.

The other big change for us, is being empty nesters for the most part. We still have Connie, and she is wonderful. But most of the time, we are alone. It is a good thing we love each other, and love to be together. We have fun, and really are liking our alone time. Life is always changing and that is a good thing........

Wedding Planning.....

Our son Denver is getting married and planning a wedding is a lot more work, then I ever thought possible. Denver's bride is Estella "Brianne" Rowley. We are very excited for them. Unfortunately, we found out the her Parents in Georgia have no funds to pay for a reception, so it has all fallen to us. I am happy to do this for them, so my planning began right away.... But beleive me, I never imagined how much was involved. We had a very minimal budget and without going in to a lot of detail, I think we have accomplished it. I will promise to post pictures after...

So I guess it's about time that I start blogging again... I have not wanted to since my Mom passed away, 2 and 1/2 years ago. It just hasn't felt right. I still am grieving and I know this might be a way to express some of my emotions, and besides I don't think anyone reads this anymore anyway. So why not give my self an outlet. I have posted this picture of my Husband and I because he is my rock, and I would not make it through everyday without him by my side. He is my everything and I love him with all my heart...I have amazing children who I absolutely adore, and are my whole world too, I would do anything for them. We are a very close family and love being together. This is so unique in today's world. I see so much sadness and neglect every day and it breaks my heart. Children with no respect for their Parents and Parents who have not earned that respect through their actions. It is a sad sad world we live in. Believe me my kids are not perfect and neither are we as parents but we love and respect each other, and it makes for such a happier existence. I want to begin blogging again, so I can share all the wonderful things happening in our lives. We have so many things coming in the next few months and I am so proud of my children and all the accomplishments they are achieving. I will explain more later... thanks for listening...