The legacy must stop!!

We all start with a mental attitude when beginning a weight loss journey - I can do this. It runs smoothly over the next few days, weeks, months, for some of us, even years. This is me at my thinnest..

Well, this time around for me - the attitude hasn't shown itself yet. I know I want to - no, NEED to change my ways. Get healthier. Slim. Active. Because if I don't, I will never be able to be happy with myself, and will never be able to feel comfortable in my own skin. So... Why is it so hard? Why do I KNOW that something has to change, but yet.. I don't change it? Why do I continue to put off eating healthier, going to the gym, losing weight, and in the long run, being happy? I don't understand & I don't know how to get & stay motivated, even though I'm depressed & disappointed in myself almost 24/7. Shouldn't that be motivation enough? I guess I feel like no matter what I do, I'm trapped. I'm stuck in this body that will continuously get bigger, not smaller, my entire life. I feel as if anything I do won't help, and to spare the pain & disappointment of nothing happening, I just don't start in the first place. I don't want to give up on this journey, but how can I when I haven't even began?? I have been here before, and have tried other methods to lose weight. I have attempted to eat better, that is short lived, and I have done the HCG craze which worked short term, but sadly the weight came back. I am getting older and my health should be reason enough. Diabetes has run rampant on my Mother's side of the family, and if I don't do something NOW, I will most likely continue the legacy. I have got to make a change, for myself and for my children and my grandchildren. My Mom passed way to soon, and I do not want to do this to my children. I could never forgive myself. And now back at my heaviest.....

Just a depressed rant, I suppose... If anyone has any advice, I'd gladly take it

My Little Boy is Married.... (April 20, 2013)

I can't believe this day has come and gone... My incredible son has gotten married to the girl of his dreams... Brianne Rowley Killpack has joined our family and I could not be happier. She makes Denver laugh and giggle more than ever. They take good care of each other and make a really good team. I love them both so much and know they will make it, despite all those newlywed struggles and adventures. Like being poor, no decent jobs, living in a one room studio apartment. They will make it, we have all been there. Patience is the most important thing to remember. They are happy and that is the most important. I am so proud of both of you, and could not happier for you

. Keep working together and I promise life will be wonderful and you will find more joy than you ever thought possible. I love you... Mom

What direction am I heading??

I am in a point in my life where I feel like I am moving in a whole new direction, and that is not neccesarily a good thing. I am approaching 50 at an alarming rate and not sure how I feel about it. I am not in the greatest shape, being overweight and knees that ache from arthritis. Otherwise I feel pretty good. In general my health is ok, just starting to feel older. In my head I am still feeling young. I have the desire to do many things, and that includes physical things, but my body is not so willing. It sucks getting older, and starting to slow down. I think I need to set some realistic goals and figure out how to make by body more in tune with my mind. I know I need to start walking and moving more. This would be a good start. I want to lift weights at the gym, but I don't want to do it alone. Maybe a good goal would be to find someone to go with me. I really need to begin watching what I eat, and taking my supplements, like my Husband has so lovingly bought for me. I know they will help my body and help me feel better. So there is a big slap to the forehead, Doh!! Maybe by writing it down on this blog, I might actually have to make some effort and be accountable for it. So if anyone happens to read this, check to see how I am doing... I know lots of people are in the same boat as me, and yet we all seem to be in denial about it. Why can't we all work together and support each other. I know that all sounds good in theory, but it really is a personal thing. It will never work unless you personally are on board and really want it. Or it becomes a life threatening thing and you need to lose weight or really suffer. I think it is time to really take it seriously... I will let you know in awhile how it is going. I am going to set a goal to try and lose 10pds by the end of November. So wish me luck....