Thursday, February 6, 2014

Peter Pan Syndrome

I recently had the opportunity to read a blog posted by a dear family member. The things she talked about really got me thinking.... She talked about the Peter Pan syndrome, and how we really don't want to grow up. Many of the things she touched on really got me thinking and pondering my life. Sometimes I feel this way, it kind of scares me to think about being a real grown up, and having to make all the decisions. But as I ponder this even more, I think what comes to mind is not the fact of growing older, it's the part of being the oldest and the responsible one. I don't mind being the oldest, but I don't necessarily like being in charge. I dread the day when my Father passes away for more than the obvious reasons. It means I become the matriarch of the family. When all your Grandparents are gone, and then your Parents, it means you are the oldest generation. I am not ready for that in any way.... I know this may not all make sense but it is in my head and I wanted to get it down somehow and express how I feel.

Now another thought along similar lines.... In my head I still feel like a young teenager, and still have dreams and desires of things I would like to accomplish but, life has a way of sneaking in and stealing time and before you know it half your life is gone. I will turn 50 this year and that scares the crap out of me. Don't get me wrong, I have had a wonderful life and  95% of the things I have done I would not change.  There are a few things I would have done differently... like complete college, and have a career that would have improved our income throughout the years. But looking back, I think I was right where I needed to be and experienced the things that made me who I am today. I actually like who I am, and am quite pleased with my choices and friends that have helped we become who I am today. Yet secretly in my head, I am still that little girl with big dreams and desires and wanting acceptance from all those around me. 

I am sure that everyone has some these same thoughts rambling around in their heads. I know I am not alone. A couple of quotes I really like are "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."
 John Lennon and  "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." E. M. Forster  This is so true...I have had a wonderful life and am looking forward to many more years wether I want to grow up or not. Which I will do eventually, Peter Pan syndrome or not; for now I am going to enjoy every day and live life to its fullest!! I am incredibly blessed with my amazing husband, my incredible children and friends and family who make my life complete. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, and for making me smile everyday!!

No comments: