The legacy must stop!!

We all start with a mental attitude when beginning a weight loss journey - I can do this. It runs smoothly over the next few days, weeks, months, for some of us, even years. This is me at my thinnest..

Well, this time around for me - the attitude hasn't shown itself yet. I know I want to - no, NEED to change my ways. Get healthier. Slim. Active. Because if I don't, I will never be able to be happy with myself, and will never be able to feel comfortable in my own skin. So... Why is it so hard? Why do I KNOW that something has to change, but yet.. I don't change it? Why do I continue to put off eating healthier, going to the gym, losing weight, and in the long run, being happy? I don't understand & I don't know how to get & stay motivated, even though I'm depressed & disappointed in myself almost 24/7. Shouldn't that be motivation enough? I guess I feel like no matter what I do, I'm trapped. I'm stuck in this body that will continuously get bigger, not smaller, my entire life. I feel as if anything I do won't help, and to spare the pain & disappointment of nothing happening, I just don't start in the first place. I don't want to give up on this journey, but how can I when I haven't even began?? I have been here before, and have tried other methods to lose weight. I have attempted to eat better, that is short lived, and I have done the HCG craze which worked short term, but sadly the weight came back. I am getting older and my health should be reason enough. Diabetes has run rampant on my Mother's side of the family, and if I don't do something NOW, I will most likely continue the legacy. I have got to make a change, for myself and for my children and my grandchildren. My Mom passed way to soon, and I do not want to do this to my children. I could never forgive myself. And now back at my heaviest.....

Just a depressed rant, I suppose... If anyone has any advice, I'd gladly take it